Who Are You?

I heard that question a lot as a child.  Raised in a military family and constantly moving from place to place, I would try to change my personality to fit in so that others would love and accept me. It was like playing a never-ending game of charades.  But, no matter how hard I tried to please others, I never felt like I belonged.

As babies, we believe we’re the center of the universe and that everyone is here for us. We feel connected to people, animals, and the Earth. We are not yet tied to an identity of who we are. But society and life experience soon teaches us separateness. We learn it through prejudices—racial, religious, and societal—that others hold and pass on to us.

As young children we are often judged and labeled by those around us. Unfortunately, our belief about who we are —our personality, is developed before the age of six.  And, without the ability to discern our truth from someone else’s opinion or perspective, those judgments and labels become our identity.

So, as an adult, I continued to play the game of charades because my early conditioning and programming told me that who I really am was not good enough.  And I’d been pretending so long to be who I was not, that I didn’t even know myself any more.

That if I found the right persona, I’d finally get the love and acceptance I was searching for.

What I didn’t understand is that our personality is NOT who we are!  Our personality is our creation, an aspect of ourself that we present to the world.  Much like the clothing we choose  to wear each day, it changes from one moment to the next according to the role we are playing, and depending on the circumstances and people we are interacting with.

For example, have you ever noticed that at home you have a certain personality and at work your personality is completely different? Or that the way you act around your parents is different than how you act around your friends? Or that your personality with your female friends is very different than your personality with your male friends?

Whatever people think of you is about the image they have of you, and that image isn’t you.  It’s a projection based on their own beliefs and perspectives.  And in the same way, what we think of others is based on our perspectives.   The truth is, we have no idea what is going on in another person’s world, or what they are thinking or feeling.

I believed my personality was who I was. 

So, if you are not your personality, who are you?  You are a Soul, a spiritual, vibrational being in a human body having a human experience. Your Soul is the embodiment of love.  It provides the avenue through which Spirit can reach you.  It is the link between Spirit and your personality.  Your Soul knows the part you are here to play in the Divine plan for humanity.  It is eternal.

There’s great freedom in realizing you don’t have to rule your life according to other people’s opinions.  And there’s less pain and drama because you stop taking what others do and say so personally.  The only opinion that matters is your opinion of you.

So, how do you reconnect with who you really are?  By paying attention to the thoughts you think about yourself.  By paying attention to the words you speak in your self-talk.  Are they mostly critical and judgmental or positive and uplifting?   If they are mostly negative, there’s a good chance those were someone else’s words that you took on as your identity.

The real you is love.  The real you is loving. 

Anything other than love is coming from the protective personality. So, I invite you to use the following journal prompts to start exploring the real you:

• Where in your life have you been playing charades, hiding your true self to please or appease others?
• If you didn’t care what others thought about you, what would you be doing differently in your life?
• What is one opinion or judgment that you have of yourself that you would like to change?
• What is one step you could take today to begin making that change?

Challenge: Complete the following sentences:

One unique thing about me is __________________________________.

What I love about my unique quality is ______________________________.

Another reason I love this about me is ___________________________________.

Say this aloud to yourself every morning for one week.  Journal about what awareness came up for you by doing this exercise.

Who are you?  You are love. You are unique!  There has never been another like you and there will never, ever be another like you.  You have something special to offer this world that no one else can.  So, shine your light bright and share your uniqueness with the world.  We need you!  That’s why you’re here.

Why is Change so Hard?

Did you know your subconscious stores every experience you have in your life and never edits or deletes?  Imagine your subconscious is like a closet that holds all your clothing from the day you were born and nothing has ever been removed.  And each piece of clothing represents an experience that contains the emotions and perspectives you had at the time you were wearing it.

When you live on autopilot, your ego will choose what you wear today from your subconscious closet, even if it no longer fits.  And if you try to step outside your comfort zone to try something new, it will try to convince you that it’s not your style, people will laugh, you’ll be criticized or judged.

The reason we hesitate making changes in our lives, whether it’s applying for a new job, ending a relationship, or simply redecorating our home, is because our subconscious mind makes it hard for us to change.  The ego prefers we stay on autopilot to protect us from the unknown.  That’s why when we disrupt our habits and routines to attempt something new, we feel fear. 

So, how do you shift out of autopilot and reclaim control of your life? By living consciously.  By living in the present moment.  Research shows that we have over sixty thousand thoughts a day and around ninety percent of those thoughts are subconscious.  That means we operate only ten percent of our day consciously, the rest is on autopilot.

For example, have you ever had the experience of driving to a familiar destination and once you arrived, you realized that you didn’t really remember the trip because your mind was elsewhere?  Who was driving the car?  Yep, your subconscious autopilot.

Now, this doesn’t mean your ego and subconscious don’t serve you.  They are a necessary and efficient part of being human.  Without them we couldn’t survive.  But, they were never meant to be running the show, or driving the car.

To live as the authentic self, we must practice present moment awareness.  Otherwise, our subconscious thoughts continue to control our lives and nothing will change.  Just the act of consciously choosing to do this next activity will help you connect more deeply to your authentic self and shift out of autopilot.

• Right now, wherever you are sitting, notice how the chair beneath you feels to your body. Is it soft, hard? Is it comfortable?  Do you feel supported?
• Where are your feet? Are they flat on the floor? Tucked underneath you? If you have shoes on, how do the shoes feel?  If you are barefoot, are your feet warm or cold?
• Are you holding something in your hands? Is it heavy or light? What does the texture feel like?
• Notice your shoulders. Are they relaxed or tense?
• Pay attention to your breath. Are you breathing slowly or rapidly, deep or shallow, or perhaps you’re holding your breath.
• Notice the temperature of the room. What smells do you notice? What sounds?
• If any thoughts pop into your awareness, just notice them without judgement and imagine them floating away on a cloud.

Continue to practice present moment awareness each day for a month.  Perhaps, set a timer on your cell phone to remind you to take a couple minutes, two or three times a day. By bringing the attention of your mind onto your body and breath, you create a deeper connection to your authentic self.  At the end of the month you will begin to notice positive changes in your life and in your well-being.

Living in the present moment is like clearing old clothes from an overstuffed closet.  It gives you space to try something new and create a new you, a new life.

Love Your Life Now!